The Wrath of the Rotten Peas
by PegacornLovesTempleRun
Summary: This is just a rewrite of a short story I wrote about four years ago. Beware, it is full of nonsense and no sense, so if you don't like that stuff, don't read this!


**Alright, so this is the result of high levels of extreme boredom. And that's all I really have to say. Enjoy. I'm going to post this story in parts so I have time to write more and anyone who wants to read my stories has something to read while waiting :3**

Once upon a time, there was a pretty ugly princess and a narcissistic prince. This alone tells you things aren't exactly normal around here, huh? Well, if weird is not your slice of cake, move on to the next story, please. Thank you and have a rainbow-filled evening.

Oh, wait, I was telling a story, guess I'll just tell it some other time. You want it now? Okay fine, brats, ahem, audience.

As I was saying… there was a revolting princess and a self loving prince who ruled a quite large kingdom down the street. Every morning the princess would roll over three times on her bed and _plop, _land on the floor. And every morning she would lay there on the floor until some servant came along and carried her to the dining hall.

Every morning the prince would wake up directly after the sun had come up. And you know what he did after that? Sit in front of one of the many tall mirrors in his bedroom and look into it. But he wouldn't just _look_ at himself, he would comment on his hair or comment on his teeth or comment on just about anything he saw.

The prince would stay there for hours, just commenting on himself, until some servant came along and reminded him that it was breakfast. Finally, when the full-of-himself prince and loathsome princess had been escorted to the dining hall, breakfast would be served.

Now when most people think of royalty, they think of everything being majestic, from the bathrooms to the ceilings. Well, if everything in a royal castle was majestic, wouldn't the food be just as sparkling and dazzling? Not in this castle; they ate peas.

Yes, the peas that are small, round, green, and taste awful when frozen or anytime on that note. And the only things these people ate were peas? Yes, the only thing the royal court and all the people in the kingdom ate were peas. All they ate were regular, gross, terrifying, peas.

Nobody ever got bored or tired of peas, either. I would have gotten sick of them after one meal of them. I mean, wouldn't you? Just imagine going up to your mother and asking what was for dinner and having her tell you, "Peas!" and then asking the same thing the next night and having her say, "Peas!" and so on and so forth. Well, that's what it was like in these times of narcissistic princes and hideous princesses.

Back to the story… everyone in the kingdom ate peas for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and never grew tired of them. The peas were always boiled, fried, cooked, diced, chopped, frozen, or any other way you can think of preparing peas. And nobody ever thought of new ways to prepare the peas, either, so if you thought of a new way, it was probably already discovered. The kingdom even had a giant slab of marble in the center of the town in which the royal chefs had carved all the possible ways to prepare peas. So if you thought of a new way, better check the list that was literally set in stone to make sure it wasn't already discovered. And 132.7% of the time, the person's idea was not new.

Well, one normal day in the weird kingdom, a witch by the name of Ludi Crous skipped into the village throwing colored peas at the average people she saw in the streets. Every time she hit someone in the eye, she would jump in the air and do a few back flips, screaming "Blinky blink, blinky blink!" the entire time. And people didn't care because they would just rub their eye and eat the pea.

So Ludi Crous made her way up to the castle; throwing peas at peoples' eyes and screaming "Blinky, blink, blinky, blink!" the entire time. Now, Ludi wasn't your average witch (you know, with the robes, wands, potions, and all that mumbo jumbo), she in fact wasn't really a witch. Why was Ludi Crous called a witch, then? Well the only way she resembled a witch was where she lived, which happened to be in a dense forest of lollipops and popsicles. Go figure. But Ludi also happened to wear the color black; except that it was a black cheerleader mini skirt and tank top. She did wear a hat, but it was a Santa hat from some Christmas party she snuck into. Ludi also had a broom, but the broom was actually a baseball bat with pipe cleaners duct taped onto the front.

But enough about Ludi Crous, she's already at the castle. So Ludi skipped to the castle doors and threw multi-colored peas at the guards' eyes. They dropped their weapons and rubbed their eyes, allowing Ludi to jump and back flip and scream, then throw open the doors and strut right in. It was still late morning, so the prince and princess were still eating breakfast.

Ludi Crous had broken into the castle a few times before, so she knew exactly where to go to find the crazy royalty at that time of day. Skipping and screaming down the glass hallways, Ludi smashed through the doors to the dining hall. Leaving a gaping hole in the wooden doors, she skipped in and screamed, "Blinky, blink, blinky, blink!"

"Yes, Ludi Crous? What do we owe the pleasure of your company to?" the narcissistic prince asked without looking up from his little mirror on the table.

"Oh, sugar. I forgot what I was going to say," Ludi said after a minute of strenuous pondering on that subject.

"That's nice," the horrific princess replied. "It is best you be going now, Ludi."

"Okie-dokie, artichokes!" Ludi screamed and skipped back through the hole she had made in the doors.

The servants all grumbled about the damage Ludi had done in the mere twelve minutes she had been there. Ludi Crous had thrown pastel colored peas everywhere, made a hole in two sets of doors, and knocked down various decorations with all of her skipping and jumping.

So all afternoon the servants cleaned every part of the castle that the "witch" had touched. The princess couldn't care less of what the castle looked like because the warts on her face blurred her vision so much that she couldn't see two feet in front of her. The prince, however, did in fact care about what the castle looked like and inspected the cleaning job himself.

Where did Ludi go after her useless visit to the castle? Well home, duh. She skipped back through the kingdom (throwing peas, screaming, and back flipping all the way) and headed straight into the forest of lollipops and popsicles to her secret lab.

Now, Ludi Crous was indeed a complete scatter brain, but her lab was amazingly tidy and organized. Who knew, right? Anyway, Ludi's lab was made of cotton; don't ask how it withstood any type of weather because I have no clue. This lab was very small; about the size of a post office. How she could live in this thing I have no clue, again, so just use your imagination for that part.


End file.
